Put the beauty industry out of business. Be mistaken for a college student, at any age.
Maintaining my youthful look c.35
When I was in my early 20s, I wasn't surprised to be ID'ed at bars and clubs. But now that I've hit 35, I'm getting a bit tired of it.
Just kidding; I love it. I even carry two pieces of ID with me, because I've run into the problem that the bouncer thinks my driver’s license is fake. Oddly enough, this was never an issue with the actual borrowed license I had when I was younger.
Once, I even got headhunted by a leading skincare company to represent their brand after they learned how old I really was. Of course, I declined: I was not about to sacrifice my morals and allow a corporation to claim undeserved success for my appearance! At least not for the price I was offered.
Anyway, there's no such thing as a magic potion.
But there is a secret to the achievement of eternal youthful looks.
Before disclosing it to you, lucky reader, you might be wondering: why should you embark on this journey of freezing your perceived age? Surely, this is a decision worth contemplating more seriously.
Not to worry: to support you, I've summarised the key pros and cons below:
Upsides:
You don't need to update your passport photo.
You are more easily recognisable at college and high school reunions.
You can get away with more and attribute it to your youthful naïveté.
You can go trick-or-treating on Halloween until you're in your early 20s, or in some cases, beyond.
You can eat off the children's menu until you're ... well, TBD, I'm still enjoying my half-priced everything.
Downsides:
You may attract a lot of younger suitors.
You might struggle to get into R-rated movies at the theatre without a guardian present.
You will definitely be mistaken for the intern at new business meetings.
Clearly, the upsides outweigh the downsides - so here we go:
1) Choose good genes. Ideally, you'd want to select parents with youthful features like high cheekbones, few wrinkles, no grey hairs and below-average height. It helps if they have a particularly immature sense of humour.
2) Pick your friends carefully. Primarily, surround yourself with younger people; become youthful by association.
3) Monitor your eating. I feel like this should be obvious, but somehow most people don't know that you should only be eating young versions of things: baby carrots, baby corn, baby potatoes. Choose veal, not beef. Hogget, not lamb. Keep away from aged cheese, vintage wine and dinosaurs. You get the idea.
4) Dress the age you want to look, not the age you are. Nothing sophisticated, professional or expensive. It's really not as hard as it sounds. This is facilitated by COVID - who said pajamas aren't suitable as day-clothes? That's right: nobody.
5) Get your beauty sleep - at least 12 hours a night, like teenagers do. You don't have to compress it all into the evenings; master the art of power napping under your desk at work, in mundane meetings, and whenever people are unnecessarily talkative (Carpe Diem).
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And now it's time for some baby corn and antics with my youngest friends. I've candidly shared every one of my proven strategies with you, dear reader, and am confident that you will soon look and act a solid early-20s.
PS If all else fails, you can always do like I did: get full body cosmetic surgery and write a blog like this.